The Beat That My Heart Skipped – A blog dedicated to daily design inspirations. By Rohini Wahi.

This week I am supposed to be flying to India [their tourist industry is being sponsored by TBTMHS at the moment] for my amazing trip to get a tan, see long lost Uni friends and soak up the culture but it seems someone has other ideas – the volcano god of Iceland.

I cannot actually face having to enter the office on Friday morning when I should be in Delhi with my shorts on eating curry [there's an image for you]. I have noticed that people look so smug when I tell them of my plight – mainly because they are screaming inside ‘HA! No sun for you!’. You blatantly know they are thinking ‘If she gets out there she might get stuck – stuck on a beach, I hate her’.

Apparently there have been test flights, don’t you wonder who was on those? Which poor pilot had the short straw ‘Come on Biggles you’re up! We aren’t entirely sure if the ash will stop the engine but as we are losing 30 million a day you best get out there!’ – ummm no thanks.

I am quite jealous of those getting on a Navy warship however! Wouldn’t that be great? It would feel like I was so important that the British fleet came to pick me up. Perhaps I could give them a few bars of Vera Lynn to say thanks. They’d probably turn back to France though as soon as I started as a matter of urgency.

So if the Volcanologists [must look up how I can become one of those] are right, I will be staying fixed right here in the UK. Of course it could be worse – if you read the papers – you could be stuck in Spain or something ‘150,000 Brits Stranded!‘. Alright, Calm down, it’s not the Titanic. I am pretty sure they all wanted to actually go to those destinations and most of them aren’t going to run out of food, water or credit cards for that matter. God forbid anyone misses a roast dinner and an episode of Corrie. What will the world come to!!

In an effort not have some sort of mental breakdown I shall rejoice in this countries plus points, and so should you whilst you are stuck here or stuck away from home waiting for The Queen to send you a personal bodyguard home.

You can pick up the highlights of our great nation in quick fix Anglomania form within Greg Gutfields book ‘Lessons from the land of Pork Scratchings; A Miserable Yank Finds Happiness in the UK‘.

This book – well series of columns really – is hilarious! Posted in the UK as a magazine Editor and left to cope with life in the UK, Greg Gutfield has sectioned his book up into the oddities of our great nation. It explains his discovery of all things British from ‘the pub lunch’, buying a round, sandwiches, tea and even Martin Kemp.

The 95 chapters are divided in to random categories on the British past-times and unique factors not found over the pond. It is as brilliantly written as I would expect from an Editor (ahem Rohini) and this is a great toilet, train or weekend read.

Short and to the point I defy you not to laugh out loud. He thinks British grandmothers all look a bit like David Bowie and Rod Stewart – true. He tries to get his head around exactly what Irn Bru is [if he knows could he tell me? My scottish housemate drinks it by the gallon and it's questionable]. He gets a beer belly – or ‘pregnant ale belly’ as he calls it and loses his previously well exercised form by munching on kebabs.

I loved when he muses about men being comfortable with having baths in the UK – he hasn’t had a bath since he was 12 and doesn’t really understand the concept of us lying around in hot water on a Sunday night to relax. He is intrigued about how women in the UK have the nicest straight hair because all they have is straighteners. We don’t really have any other hairstyles but we get really really good at keeping our hair shiny and straight. How every Bank Holiday is an excuse for us to go on a three day bender and then recount our stories to the office.

Some hilarities include his work mates [most of my hilarities do!] – like the chap who meant to fart on his girlfriends head and followed through ‘but they got married later’ and obvious no-brainers like our tea obsession ‘we are all living in a great big tea pot’ and of course that British food is so bland because it is designed to only be eaten when we are drunk!

He genuinely celebrates our slower ways from across the pond and why unlike our transatlantic cousins we have no need for shrinks and prozac – we go down the pub and moan to our mates. Slowly but surely Gutfield falls for all our strange ways and customs – he doesn’t want to go home but alas he is destined to return and to lament being so far away from wonderful British Ways.

It cheered me up – I even craved a chip butty and some mushy peas after reading it. Grab yourself a copy and feel a little patriotic that only The Queen would make sure a war-ship came to collect you from nasty old Europe – Lauren